My Little Pony: The Notorious Christmas Special
by ArceusGPG
Summary: Santa done goofed this year. While trying to spread Christmas cheer to the ponies in Equestria, he's met with distrust and fear. Can Santa teach the little ponies the true meaning of Christmas? And will Spike get the gift that he's always wanted? Rated T because a winter without Christmas is a year without hope.


"Merry Christmas, Santa," the little dragon whispered, waving goodbye to the jolly old man. Hugging the present tightly in his tiny claws, he watched the magic reindeer take off into the clear night sky, as their merry Christmas carols became a whisper carried by the wind. He continued watching them until they were only a bright speck in the sky, another of the many stars that were twinkling that night.

Then, after they were out of sight, he jumped down the chimney, thirsting for blood. Throwing the present beneath him, he slid down, claws grinding against the bricks on his descent. His gift landed softly on the soot below, only to be crushed by the dragon as he fell upon it. He left the trampled package in his haste, absolutely determined to kill the bearded monster. He had to kill Santa. He had to kill him tonight.

* * *

_Three hours prior..._

Applejack pointed to what used to be apple trees. "Look, Twilight! I've never seen anything like this before. What the hay is going on?"

Twilight looked at the mess in front of her, then back at Applejack, then back at the mess. At first she thought it was an elaborate prank, but that sort of thing wasn't typical of the practical-minded farmer pony. There were, however, a few ponies that would willingly spend days working on a silly prank whenever boredom called them to do so. She elected to assume they were responsible, as no other reasonable explanations came to mind.

"I think we need to talk to Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. This is probably their idea of a joke," Twilight said in an exasperated tone, further accenting her frustration at the situation. As far as she knew, there weren't any spells to change pine trees back into apple trees. Magic alone couldn't solve the problem before her.

Even worse, the trees were covered what looked like tiny lanterns, all connected by a long string that spiraled around the trees, like silk wrapped around a spider's prey. It was a wonder in itself that the trees were not on fire, what with all the lanterns and string and flammable ribbons surrounding them. And to complete the mishmash of unrelated items, there were colored balls hung delicately on the branches, held only by flimsy metal hooks. Even a gentle wind caused them to swing precariously, as if tempting themselves to jump down as soon as chance would allow.

Applejack looked at the sky. "I think I know where to find Rainbow Dash. If she's the pony I think she is, she's probably on a cloud somewhere whooping it up, laughing at our reactions."

"I'll look for her then," Twilight said, spreading her wings for takeoff. "You go find Pinkie. Even if neither of them are responsible for this, I'm sure we'll need their help."

Giving her friend a nod, the orange pony galloped off. "Got it, Twilight! Let's gather here when we're ready!" she called, slowly fading into the distance.

Twilight took one last look at the pine trees, shaking her head disapprovingly. Someone had a poor sense of humor, and this strange development was disconcerting, especially in light of the fact that they'd given up their necklaces and "crown thingy" for the Tree of Harmony's sake. Pushing the ground and her thoughts further away from her, she began her search.

As soon as Twilight took to the skies, a large figure crept out of Applejack's house, carrying a large sack over his shoulder. The evidence of his cookie binge was apparent by the chocolate on his face and the smell of milk on his breath. Even in the land of Equestria, people were nice enough to leave him free food. He was sure his visit would be met with open arms.

* * *

"Raaaaaarity!" Pinkie Pie shouted at a few decibels higher than was pleasant to hear, no doubt annoying all of her neighbors. She had already tried knocking on the door a few times, but that didn't seem to work. Is was about time to break down the door.

Thankfully Sweetie Belle opened the door, holding a somewhat confused face. "What is it? Do you need Rarity for something?"

"_Yes_," Pinkie exclaimed. "I need to tell her that my Pinkie Senses are tingling, making my hair feel like plastic which has never happened to me before. I was going to go to Twilight, but she's gone for some reason, and her house looks completely different. So I was wondering if Rarity could tell me what's going on."

"Sorry," Sweetie Belle said, looking back inside the house. "I don't know _where_ Rarity is. I thought that she was with you guys having another adventure or something.

The pink pony craned her neck backwards in an unnatural fashion, as an owl would when observing something behind itself. Then she walked away, still holding her head in that awkward manner, thanking the little unicorn for her help. After a few moments of utter disbelief, Sweetie Belle found the will to eventually close the door again, her mind permanently imprinted with the horrible disfigurement.

* * *

After closing the door behind himself, Spike briskly walked away, on the verge of skipping due to his abnormally high amount of energy. He had a few bits in his hand, and they needed to be spent as quickly as possible, for reasons unknown to even himself. The market beckoned him, and he was determined to answer its calling. He didn't even notice the library disappear behind him until another, bigger building appeared in its place, casting a shadow on his own.

He turned to find a giant ice dome where the library once was, jutting out of the landscape like frozen zit on an otherwise beautiful green face- a "cold sore" as it were. An arched tunnel extended from the dome, inviting anyone brave enough to enter to do so at their own risk.

In a fit of stupidity and curiosity, Spike did so.

* * *

"That's odd," Applejack said to herself, after thoroughly searching the house. The entire Apple family seemed to be missing, leaving absolutely no clue as to where or why they left. This did not sit well with the orange pony, especially not after Twilight and Rainbow Dash's extended absence.

Looking at the kitchen table, she noticed a plate of crumbs and a drinking glass coated with stale milk and backwash. Whoever had eaten there was a real slob, or someone in a real hurry, judging by the Cookie Monster-esque table arrangement and oblong-shaped muddy tracks. After following the tracks for a stretch, she noticed they ended in the middle of the room, as if the culprit responsible had fallen from the skies. Indeed, the area around the tracks' end was lit to a greater degree. Looking up, she saw she wasn't too far off.

The ceiling directly above was completely gone, as if smashed in by some large force. Yet, all signs of debris or collapse were gone. All that was left was a comical outline of a rotund human with his arms outstretched, as if posing for The Vitruvian Man. The shape's significance, however, was far beyond her.

She immediately regretted leaving Pinkie Pie alone on lookout duty. If Twilight and Rainbow Dash did return, they could certainly wait. It's dangerous to go alone.

"Pinkie?!" she called out, hoping for an immediate and excessively cheerful response. Instead, there was silence, an ominous silence that sent shivers up her spine. Panic started setting in. Only a mad dash outside would determine whether or not the fear was unfounded.

She bolted toward the door, galloping past the mysterious boxes that had begun cluttering her house, past the snow globes, and past the figures of ice cream scoops stacked on top of each other with twigs protruding from their centers. Swinging open the door, she was surprised to see a red giant, holding a long, black whip in his white hands. Behind him were eight pony-like creatures, tied closely together as if in a cruelly-enforced chain gang. All of them, bound by the neck, were attached to a large sled that was completely overloaded with cargo, a heavy load for any number of creatures to bear.

He smiled at her, giving her a creepy wink and a wave goodbye. Then he sat himself on the strange vehicle and waved his whip around wildly, shrieking at them to move.

All at once, the sleigh, the reindeer, and the large man all lifted into the air, controlled by some sort of magic. Applejack didn't even have enough time to react as they began flying toward the center of town, bells a-ringing. Chasing after the magical monster, she shouted, "Where is she?! Where is Pinkie Pie?!" to which the monster replied, "Safe with me, Applejack!" as he laughed the most deplorable laugh she'd ever heard.

* * *

Spike was still in shock, a natural reaction when one has just traveled between the world of Equestria and humanity. It was the middle of the night, that much was certain, but the moon was not as prominent as it normally was. He didn't know much about the new world he'd stumbled upon, mostly because he was stuck on the roof of someone's house and had no idea how to get down.

He looked out on the horizon, but was only able to see the tops of other houses and their flat, boring walls. Any windows that he could see were all blank, covered by curtains or obscurity, all of them uninviting in some manner. Looking above, he could see the stars, arranged in patterns not unlike the ones in his world.

Suddenly, a shadowy figure zipped overhead, landing on the same roof as him. Loud sleigh bells began jingling, breaking the vow of silence the night held, startling the dragon. The giant figure eventually lofted on the roof he stood on, and its form became clearer after landing. A two-legged creature sat on a sled, carrying a bag typical of burglar attire. Jumping down, he approached the little dragon.

Spike stepped back, very hesitant to be too close to the maniac, and for good reason too. Eventually he ran out of roof to escape to, pushed dangerously to the edge. In desperation, he cried out.

"What do you want with me?!"

The red figure chuckled, his body shaking from the exertion of such an endeavor. "Don't worry, Spike: I'm not here to spread fear- I'm here to spread Christmas cheer."

"Christmas ch-cheer?" he stammered, quite confused by the man's statement.

Suddenly, Applejack fell from the sky, having teleported there the same way Spike and the robed man did- through the igloo. With the deftness of a cat, she landed on the house and took up a fighting position.

"Sounds like you're a-hankering for a whuppin'," she said, her face contorted into a snarl. Taking a few steps back, she propelled herself forward, headbutting the man directly in the groin. He fell to his knees, clutching at his jingle bells, and dropping the mysterious sack. Toys spilled out of the bag, like colorful puss out of a sore. What Applejack and Spike saw caused their hearts to skip a beat.

All of their pony friends: Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy were small, plastic toys. Their faces were frozen in sappy smiles, surrounded by miniaturized versions of their pets or random household items, like brushes. Each of them were encased in plastic and imprinted with various logos, just to make their new forms even more detestable.

Spike turned away, too horrified to look twice at the mangled mess of plastic that was once their friends. Leaning over the side of the building, he heaved a large mass of vomit.

Applejack turned to look at the red-covered man. "I know who you are," she said in a shaky voice. "You're Santa, a human that turns ponies into toys to sell them as slaves. I should have known it was you from that getup."

Santa stood up, still clearly in pain from having the coal in his stocking violently reshuffled. "Listen, if this is about me smashing through your barn, I'm sorry about that. I couldn't find the chimney to deliver your presents through, and because you're making a new barn every couple episodes-"

Applejack stomped her hoof, interrupting him. "I don't care about my house. I care about my friends who you've transformed into toys with your magic. Turn them back. _Now_!"

Santa put his hands up defensively. "I don't know what you're talking about. I may have made some aesthetic changes to the town for the Christmas season, but I promise I'll change them back after Christmas is over."

Spike turned to look at the monster, fists clenched and seething with anger. "You're nothing but a fat butcher. You _murderer_!"

"No, look!" Santa said, tossing a wrapped present at him. Spike caught it instinctively. "I just deliver presents, see? Merry Christmas, Spike."

With that, he collected up the bag of goodies and threw it over his shoulder, deliberately missing the plastic ponies on his collection. Then he jumped into the chimney, bellowing, "Merry Christmas to all!" as he fell.

Applejack turned to Spike. "I'll release the ponies attached to the sled while you get rid of that thing," she said, referencing the recently-gotten package. Hurriedly, the farmer pony unlatched the reindeer's bonds, releasing them. They took off into the night sky, flying on invisible wings, and singing the Christmas carols that they had learned.

Spike gripped his package even tighter, staring intently at the chimney. "Merry Christmas, Santa," he muttered with a dark tone. Then he looked at the reindeer, watching them until they became little specks in the sky. After he had collected himself, he looked at the little pony toys, the remnants of his friends, then back at Applejack.

"I'm going to _kill_ Santa."

Without warning, Spike hurled himself down the chimney chute, scratching at the walls to slow his descent. The next few minutes were filled with the grisly sounds of combat. Bones snapped, flesh burned, and screams of agony filled the air. Applejack stood on the roof, listening to the awful noise, hoping the little dragon would come out alright.

Eventually, everything was quiet, except for a small, scratching noise which grew louder and louder as time went by. Then a purple hand poked out from the chimney, followed by a purple dragon holding a triumphant pose. There wasn't even a scratch on him.

"Nice job, Spike!" Applejack said, giving him the equivalent of a high-five.

"Yeah, nice job!" Pinkie Pie chimed. "I've never seen anyone climb a chimney like that before!"

The two of them stared at Pinkie for a while, their mouths agape.

"What?" Pinkie Pie asked, as if being on Santa's sleigh were the most natural thing ever. "Santa said I could ride with him for a while, but I got sleepy during the portal jump. I didn't know you guys came along too!"

She clapped her hoofs together excitedly. "So where's Santa?"

Spike and Applejack looked at the toy version of Pinkie Pie, then at the real one, then back at the toy.

"Oh _shit_!" they shouted in unison.

* * *

And thus, the citizens of Equestria would never celebrate Christmas, nor any religious holiday from then on.

**The End.**

**Author's Note: This is what happens when I get bored. Hope you enjoyed it.**

**Anway, m****ake sure to PM with any error fixin' stuff, if you feel like it, that is.**


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